The Day that I Die
by ChaosGal
Summary: Ryou's finally cracked. He can't stand up to Bakura's torture any longer and decides to commit suicide. The typical scenerio. Anywho, will Bakura get there in time to save Ryou in time? ATTEMPTED suicide. (no yaoi...only like two brothers, nothing more)
1. Hold On

This is the typical Ryou's going to commit suicide story, I know, I know, you've read and you've read them all, but at least please read this story. Its the common scenario in everyway possible.

disclaimer: don't own yugioh, its a no go for me, i dont have that much money to be that important. 

Ryou is Bakura Ryou

Bakura is Yami Bakura

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song lyrics

__

thoughts

/hikari to yami/

//yami to hikari/ ****

No yaoi in this fic. There is suicide with lots of guilt though...

The song is 'Hold On' by Good Charlotte. The first chapter is all just Ryou thinking to himself. Roll fic!

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(Ryou's Point of View)

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This world-this world is cold

but you don't-you don't have to go

I'm seriously thinking about suicide. Just to get away from.. everything. Its hard to lie so you don't get killed to friends who stay friends because they trust each other. If I lie, they wonder, if they wonder, Bakura will only hurt me, and then I have to lie some more to them so they don't wonder about that as well. I don't like this never-ending circle. I just want the quickest road out before any more happens.

__

I know it isn't a good idea to commit suicide. But I really am desperate. But where are these thoughts coming from? Years of morality that hasn't gotten me as far as I hoped it would.

your feeling sad-your feeling lonely

and no one seems to care

And because I lie to my friends, they aren't exactly my definition of friends. I can't talk to them, they can't comfort me in my time of need. I seriously feel like no one cares about me anymore. I don't want to put up with these feelings of hopeless-ness. I want someone I can talk to.

__

People would care if I told them, but I can't tell them. It's a real bad fix that I'm in. All I've ever wanted is someone to care for me, to hold me in they're arms and tell me that it'll all be ok in the end.

your mothers' gone and your father hits you

this pain you cannot bear

It is a rather bad predicament that I've gotten my self into. When I was little and before I could remember much, my mother died. I can only remember smiles and photos of my family... when it was a family. It was my father who gave me the Millennium Ring to begin with. I shudder to think of the first time I met the spirit dwelling within it. My father is never home now, always off at some archaeological dig someplace for some reason.

__

Is there no one who would miss me if I left? Just one person would make a big difference in this situation. I must think positive. I don't want to do anything drastic. This is hopeless.

but we all bleed the same way as you do

and we all have the same things to go through

I don't see anyone else having some kind of mental break down because of a split personality who just so happens to be able to maintain a physical form whenever it wants. Maybe I should begin to consider how I should go about killing myself. I wonder what would happen to Bakura if I did. Would he disparate back to the Millennium Ring? An interesting thought.

__

But there ARE people who commit suicide. It isn't always pretty. I...I don't really want to... but I can't keep living in this reality. Perhaps the best way to get this over with is by slitting my wrists. 

hold on if you feel like letting go

hold on it gets better than you know

This situation couldn't get worse. Few, few people could relate to the way I've been treated for the past five years. Shadow Realm. Knifes. Fists. Lies. Lessons. I...I want t...to get away. Is that too much that I'm asking for? To never have to wake up to more pain. No more. Natta.

__

No! I can't kill myself! Let's try and be reasonable, here1 The situation CAN get better, Ryou! Don't give up on yourself so quickly. Please, please, hold on. Life is precious.

your days-you say they're way too long

and your nights you can't sleep at all

hold on

I go to bed hungry sometimes, I never forget. For a kid who used to get sick at the sight of blood, I've learned to tend to my cuts myself. I'm not even allowed to cry. I have no real 'bed room,' nothing I can really call my own except maybe the big basement. Its big, so Bakura loves to keep me there so he has more room to throw me around. And its cold, with hard floors and walls...a concrete cell. Dark, the only light switch is at the top of the stairs to the kitchen... he'd turn it off when he's done, and lock the door. Sometimes I simply leave it off... and sleep where I was left, not really caring anymore.

__

Suicide is like running from my problems.. now that I think about it, life really is like a game. In a game you can cheat, that's what Bakura does, and in a game, you can also forfeit and run. And that's what I feel like doing. But I can't give into this urge. I must hold on to my sanity long enough to pull through the night! 

your aren't sure what you're waiting for-

but you don't want to no more

I've been waiting for Bakura to stop with the tormenting, and to love me for once. Not anything _special_. Just, like a brother. A friend, a father even. Someone who would actually care weather I value my life below escape from helpless-ness.

__

Its not a very good cause to look forward to, because it seems impossible to happen. But don't give up on it. Don't give up on your own life, Ryou! I'm your conscious, why aren't you listening? 

your not sure what you're looking for

but you don't want to no more 

I'm looking for a chance to be normal. I'll do anything. He's driven me to the point of madness, he isn't going to change his ways, he hasn't for the past five thousand years, why should he now? If he doesn't care about me, why should I care about me?

__

Are you hearing yourself think, Ryou? You MATTER. Hello?! Your supposed to care about yourself, it comes naturally. And you can change him, its possible to change, he's just never had the chance. Neither of us may understand why he does what he does, but he can change. Please, Ryou, its possible! Don't do anything to hurt yourself!!

but we all bleed the same way as you do

and we all have the same things to go through

hold on if you feel like letting go

hold on it gets better than you know

I want to let go. Why does life deny this? Why can't I? Its not that hard. Why am I holding myself back? Could it really be that he could change? He wouldn't live a day walking in my shoes.

__

I can't stop you, but I'm supposed to make sure you know what your getting yourself into. I don't agree. You aren't thinking through what even your own thought patterns are saying. Having a one tone attitude about life and death is not funny. Can't we be serious here? What will your friends think? 

don't stop looking your one step closer

don't stop searching its not over

hold on

My friends? They'll find out the truth, perhaps. They'll feel sorry for me a little. They may even wish they could have done something to stop me. But they would move on with they're perfect lives. They don't have problems like I do. They wouldn't understand.

__

Don't give up. Don't stop looking for a reason to live. Don't stop searching for the heart inside Bakura. Something inside him must feel something when he hurts you. He just keeps it bottled up. He has a reason for what he does, but he hides why he must keep doing it. Don't you suppose he, too, sometimes feels his own guilt weighing down his heart? What did this to him? 

what are you looking for?

You're trying to tell me I have a purpose? Nonsense.

what are you waiting for?

__

Yes, I am, Ryou. I am the little voice that fate put here.

do you know what you're doing to me?

How do I know that you aren't just Bakura playing with my head again with another mind game of his? Does he even know how I feel? Does he know the pain? I'm don't care anymore, don't you get it?! Your a little voice in my head, I can ignore you!

__

Most people do anyways. I'm not Bakura, but Bakura has a conscious as well. Its what makes him feel guilt, but he ignores it. I'm not your enemy, I'm trying to save you from being irrational! 

go ahead... what are you waiting for?

I...I'm going to do it anyways. I don't care what my conscious says. I'll do it tomorrow morning, maybe I'll even be dead before noon if I'm lucky. I wonder what it'll be like to die. I can ignore the pain. Yes, that's what I always do anyways. 

__

But...NO! Ryou, please. Don't commit suicide!

hold on if you feel like letting go

hold on it gets better than you know

But why? Bakura won't ever hurt me again. No one can hurt me then. I'll finally be happy. I'll finally be free, forever.

don't stop looking your one step closer

don't stop searching its not over

hold on if you feel like letting go

hold on it gets better than you know

hold on

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Sad, isn't it? Flamers will die. And Ryou is one of my fav characters, too, so don't complain please. Well, review, and tell me what you think. Should I continue? If not I'll just delete this fic, it is my first ever and I've worked really hard on it. Ja ne, Review.


	2. The Day That I Die

Arigato reviewers! And there I was thinking about deleting this. Thank you SOOOOO much AngelsKitten for being my first reviewer! ^_~ And thanks goes to all 10 reviewers that came after her!*gives all of you guys sugar* Have fun and keep reading! ^_^

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song lyrics

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character thinking to themselves, you'll have to guess which ones

//Bakura to Ryou//

/Ryou to Bakura/

Same layout as before, but this time the song is "The Day that I Die" also by Good Charlotte. And this chapter is 5 pages long! Whooo! Go me! ^^

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*******************

One day I woke up

I woke up knowing

Today is the day I will die

Ryou. It was a cold, cold, early morning when he woke up. It was dark and everything was still, in and outside the old creaky house. The boy was uncannily cheerful, smiling as he opened his eyes. Bakura would not be up for an hour at the least.

__

I wonder what I should do before hand. I might never be able to do anything special again. 

Cashdogg was barking

Went to the park and 

Enjoyed it one last time

He got up from where he had fallen asleep against the frigid concrete wall. He carefully and quietly pulled a book out of a shelf. It was an old book. Ryou had always loved reading books.

He ran his finger along the binding and opened it up to the front cover. It was signed:

__

To my son, Ryou Bakura

on his second birthday.

Much love,

Mom

Ryou held back a few tears and shook uncontrollably. Was he really going to go through with his morning's plans?

Called my mother

Told her I loved her

And I begged her not to cry

__

Mom, Ryou thought, _I love you too, don't cry and I'll be with you soon._

He put the book back in the shelf, and then walked up the stairs to the kitchen.

__

Something for Bakura, too...

Ryou opened the fridge, and long locks of white hair fell over his face. He'd eat no breakfast, it wouldn't be necessary. But Bakura would be hungry. He didn't know why he was making him food, but he wanted to delay what his mind was already set to do, making food was a distraction.

He grabbed a container of yogurt, and a spoon from the drawer. Placing them on the counter, he pulled a box of crackers, a plate, and a cup from the cupboards. He put the crackers on the plate, and filled the glass with water. Arranging everything just so, he went to the telephone desk, and grabbed a sheet of paper. 

Wrote a letter

That said I'd miss her,

And I signed that goodbye

On the paper, he wrote a note telling Bakura that this was goodbye, not to miss him, though he also said that he probably wouldn't anyways. Ryou put the note under the yogurt container, using the container as a paperweight.

__

He'll get a shock out of that. Ryou smiled. 

You know the happiest day of my life

I swear the happiest day of my life-

Is the day that I die

__

You made me come this far Bakura, are you happy for you actions yet? By the time you feel sorry for yourself, it'll be too late, thought Ryou to himself. _But I'm going to a better place. A place where a fiend like you cannot interfere with what my life was supposed to be like without you. I won't miss you... that much._

Can you feel the cold tonight?

It sets in but it's all right.

Slowly, Ryou turned and went down the hall way quietly. He passed the staircase to the upstairs, past the closet he'd been locked in many times, past the living room, the second favorite torture chamber, past the burnt out light, past the latch to the attic where Bakura took residence, and to the bathroom near the back door.

__

I don't want him trying to save me, that is, if he cares enough and realizes in time of the costly mistake he'd made to make me cross the lines of being reasonable.

Darkness falls- I'm letting go.

All alone, but I feel fine.

Outside, it was dark. No one was suspecting anything drastic to happen that seemingly normal morning in Domino City. Yugi Mouto was asleep, in his soul room he had pictures of his yami and his friends. Yugi was the boy who always smiled. The boy who wouldn't understand Ryou's actions.

Ryou wasn't the type of person to get jealous, but he did wish his yami was a bit more like Yugi's. A friend, and guardian. 

We took a drive and

We drove through DC

To see the places we lived

Ryou stood in the bathroom and looked himself over in the mirror.

__

Sad that it must end this way.

Snowy white hair that was like his mothers. Brown eyes like his dad. More memories flooded his mind. He had a little sister, but she died with his mom. Ryou wasn't sure, but he was little, and it may have been a car crash or something. Ryou also had a kitten. A white kitten to match his hair.

__

After mom died, Dad did everything he could to cheer me up. A kitten, books knick-knacks, and the Millennium Ring. Everything changed. Why? Why'd it have to be me? I...I could have done so much more with my life. Why is fate so cruel? Ah well... it'll all be over soon.

Long conversations

We talked of old friends

And all the things that we did

The summer nights,

Drunken fights, mistakes we made,

Did we live it right?

Memories. So many. Tears finally flooded over Ryou's eyes. He couldn't take this much longer. Gritting his teeth, he dashed the memories to bits. 

__

I'll take more time to remember later, when I have all the time in the universe. In the lands of forever.

He wiped the tears away.

You know the happiest day of my life

I swear the happiest day of my life-

Is the day that I die

The reflection of Ryou in the mirror had fogged over eyes, lost in thoughts. Not crying anymore. When he snapped out of the thoughts of the coming procedure, he smiled.

__

I'm leaving now Bakura. And it's your entire fault. I'll never hear your insults again. 

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Can you feel the cold tonight?

Still smiling, he pulled a tiny razor out of the drawer.

It sets in but it's all right.

Putting it a centimeter or so above his wrist...

__

Goodbye. 

Darkness falls- I'm letting go.

Down when the blade, a slice, and then again twice more. Ryou cringed. And sank to the floor.

__

Soon. Soon...

All alone, but I feel fine.

Elsewhere, at the moment, upstairs in the attic, Bakura's eyes snapped open. Something was wrong. A sense was tying a knot around the pit of Bakura's stomach. What was it...?

He pulled himself out of the blankets, and went to the attics latch. Opening it, he pulled himself down. He landed on the floor ungracefully. His hair was a mess, and he hadn't changed clothes last night. Looking both ways, he glared into the kitchen.

Food? Why was there food?

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You know the happiest day of my life.

Walking to the kitchen quickly, the sense that something was amiss still growing; he looked at the note under the yogurt container.

Going? To...to kill himself?

Bakura stared at the note for a long time, mouth open in shock.

"No..." he said in disbelief, shaking his head, "No..."

I swear the happiest day of my life.

I know the happiest day of my life...

//Ryou? Where are you?// he asked through the mind link.

There was no answer given.

//RYOU?//

"No. No. No." Bakura said over and over again, turning to the hall, half-running down the hall. He'd never meant for anything like this to happen. 

He stuck his head through every room in the hall, hoping to see Ryou, just in time to catch him from doing anything stupid. The last door in the hall was the bathroom...and there was Ryou. His eyes closed. And he was smiling softly. Leaned up against the wall, there was blood on the floor, on his jeans, and still freshly flowing from his wrists.

Is the day that I die.

"Ryou! No!"

Ryou lifted his head up and slowly opened his eyes.

"Goodbye, Bakura."

Bakura ran from the room, frantically making his way to the closet.

Linen. He needed cloth. A couple yards length. 

__

Must save Ryou. Never meant to drive him this far... No! Bakura gritted his teeth and opened its door eagerly.

Inside his head, he heard Ryou, through the mind link:

**__**

/Can you feel the cold tonight?

It sets in, but it's all right.

Darkness falls I'm letting go.

All alone, but I feel just fine./

It was a verse from a song. So familiar. From Good Charlotte, called "The Day That I Die." How fitting. But Ryou, why? Thought Bakura.

Did I live it right?

I hope I lived it right.

Did I live it right?

I know I lived it right.

Bakura found what he was looking for and grabbed it from the closet quickly, dashing back to the bathroom. A bed sheet, yes, but Bakura ripped it lengthwise two times, and knelt down besides Ryou on the bloody bathroom tile floor. He tightly wrapped it around Ryou's wrists.

Please make it stop the bleeding!

I hoped I lived it right,

I know I lived it right.

******************TBC

Ok, will our poor Ryou live or die? Any reviewers are very much appreciated.

The reason I'm not making this yaoi is simply because I don't write like that. I'm not....against it... its just *counts on fingers* who knows how many people I know would freak if I wrote that stiff. So maybe at the most Ryou will get an "I love you" nothing more. That is unless you reviewers convince me otherwise. Give me your opinions on what I should do for that.

Review! 


	3. Wondering

More reviews yay! Yayness heaven! And I know, I know, I did say ATTEMPTED suicide, didnt I? Well it still is. It isnt suicide unless he actually dies, right? So in other words, I wasnt ever planning on killing him anyways. He's to kawaii for that, and it would be cruel...

I also agree with the majority of the reviews, so no yaoi. I agree with whoever said they only had a brotherly thing going. *nods* BROTHERLY. I think I used that in this chapter.... Oh good then. ^_^ So no yaoi, and thats my point.

Arigato for reviewing, minna-san! (and for those who dont know Japanese basics, I just said "Thanks for reviewing, everyone!")

the song is **Wondering **by **Good Charlotte**

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If you want me to wait,

I will wait for you.

If you want me to stay,

I will stay right through.

__

Thank Ra that stopped the bleeding! But I have to get him to someone who can stop him from dying still, I know I can't do that. But who is there these days? The hospital! Of course!

Ryou was now unconscious because he'd lost too much blood. Still alive, but would he make it?

__

Please Ryou, I don't want to be wasting my time. Don't die on me now.

Bakura lifted Ryou in his arms and stumbled down the hall to the phone desk. He didn't want Ryou to leave his sight until he was well again. Supporting him with one hand, he picked up the phone's receiver. He wasn't stupid, and there was a sign on the phone that said 'if in an emergency dial 911.'

__

This counts as an emergency situation, right?

****

If you don't wanna say

anything at all,

I'm happy wondering.

"9-1-1 rescue, what is the situation and how can we help you?" said an urgent woman's voice.

"My friend slit his wrists and he was bleeding badly so I wrapped them up in cloth to stop the bleeding. But I'm going to need someone to help him to the hospital."

"Location?"

"4331 Elm Street, Domino City. Can you get some help now??" Bakura's voice was starting to crack. 

__

How long is this going to take? 

Since I was young man,

I never was a fun man

I never had plan and no security

__

This is all my fault Ryou, and I'm so sorry. No one should ever have had to go through what I put you through. But I have been before... it was how I grew up, and- oh, Ryou, I'm sorry I put my frustrations out on you.

"Alright, sir, there will be an ambulance to pick him up as soon as possible. It should be arriving in around five minutes. Don't move your friend."

__

Too late on that factor.

"Good. I hear them now." 

He wasn't sure how 911 worked, but it was helpful plenty. Hanging up the phone, he carried Ryou to the door. He was still out from the lack of blood. The linen wrapped around his wrists had been doing their job well, but were now covered in red splotches. 

Then ever since I met you,

I never could forget you

I only want to get you right here next to me

The emergency vehicle pulled up on to the lawn, and medical personnel rushed in.

"We'll take him to the hospital."

Bakura shook his head, "I'm coming with him."

The personnel looked at each other, and coaxed Ryou out of Bakura's arms and rushed him out to the ambulance. Bakura followed, curious as to how they were going to help Ryou at all. He wanted Ryou to have the best treatment as possible.

When they put Ryou in the cart and wheeled him in to the vehicle, Bakura followed, standing next to him.

__

I don't care what anyone says, I'm not leaving you, Ryou.

"Sir you can't be in here."

Bakura glared at the nurse and didn't move. 

'Cause everybody needs someone that they can trust in

Your somebody that I found just in time

__

I need to know that Ryou is ok.

"I already told you that I'm not leaving. I don't care what you people say."

__

Ryou, if you leave me now I'll never forgive myself.

If you want me to wait,

I will wait for you.

If you want me to stay,

I will stay right through.

"But, sir-"

"No."

"Fine."

A couple nurses came into the back, and the doors were shut. They began to check Ryou's pulse and such.

__

Hold on Ryou.

//Ryou? Can you hear me?//

No response. Even if he was in his soul room now, he probably wouldn't respond.

//Please Ryou, I care about you, don't die.//

If you don't wanna say

anything at all,

I'm happy wondering.

In his soul room Ryou was sill smiling. He didn't know where his physical body was right now, but Bakura was finally feeling guilty. He could be changed.

Upon reaching the hospital, Bakura was allowed to follow only to the emergency room door, where he was then told to wait in the commons because there was nothing more he could do. They'd tell him the news when it was over.

__

Waiting is unnerving. Why did I do all those horrible things? Why? Why? Why?

Now my life is changing,

Its always rearranging

Its always getting stranger than I thought it ever could

The doors to the hospital and in burst Yugi, Jou (Joey), Anzu (Tea), Honda (Tristin), and following them was Yami. The first four rushed past Bakura to the emergency room door trying to look in.

"They'll only tell you the same thing they told me. Get away from there, Ryou can't see you anyways." Bakura glared at them as he spoke.

"What did you do to hurt Ryou this time?! How could you?" demanded Yugi, eyes set in determination to help his friend.

Bakura looked down to his feet.

****

Ever since I found you,

I wanna be around you,

I wanna get down to the point that I needed you

"I did nothing 'this time' Yugi. He did this himself."

"Liar!" screamed Anzu, "We're his friends, why didn't he tell us?!"

"How did you find out what was going on anyways?"

Coming up from behind, Yami spoke.

"We saw the ambulance. We aren't blind, tomb robber. What happened!?"

"I'm not in the mood to talk right now, pharaoh baka."

__

I won't ever hurt Ryou again. All this time I've kept my feelings bottled up inside. I need him to live or else... I don't know what. 

'Cause everybody needs someone that they can trust in

Your somebody that I found just in time

Yugi and co. tried to inquire more from Bakura, but didn't get any answers whatsoever. He was lost in his own thoughts, pacing up and down the soul room hallways. He couldn't hear anything from Ryou's room, and he wished he could. Anything at all would make him feel better.

//Ryou...I...I'm sorry I've hurt you so much, but I won't do it anymore. I never meant for anything like this to happen.//

Even if Ryou was listening, he sure took a long time to answer. 

If you want me to wait,

I will wait for you.

If you want me to stay,

I will stay right through.

/Do you mean that Bakura? Are you feeling guilty yet?/

//I'm sorry, Ryou. I honestly am. Please don't leave me.//

/It's in fate's hands now./

//Ryou, that was an order.//

/What? For me not to leave? Why?/

//I don't want you to. I...I...//

/You-- what??/

//I'd miss you to much. That's all.//

/That wasn't what you were going to say./

Bakura cut off from the conversation. He didn't want Ryou to know, but he was like a little brother to him sometimes. Bakura never showed it, but he loved Ryou like family. Bakura had never had a family. And his father had always mistreated him in the same ways he had done so to Ryou... he knows now that he shouldn't have.

/If you want me to stay, I'll try not to go./

****

If you don't wanna say

anything at all,

I'm happy wondering.

Would he make it? Ryou didn't feel like going now. He felt completely foolish. He never should have even considered suicide until he understood why Bakura did what he does.

Slowly Ryou was gaining consciousness. He was alive. Someplace. But where? Bringing his eyes to open, he found himself in the hospital. But how did he get there? Bakura? He really did care.

"Doctor, doctor, look he's waking up!"

Ryou was hooked up with tubes to life support machines. He'd have to stay in the hospital for a while. 

"I'll go tell his guests the good news."

Don't tell me the bad news

Don't tell me anything at all

Just tell me that you need me

And stay right here with me

"Ryou is alive, people, he can begin to see visitors in about four minutes. Please wait patiently."

__

I don't think I should go in. I'm the last person he wants to see. This is all my fault.

All Bakura wanted to hear was that Ryou was okay. Now that he was, Bakura turned and left the hospital. He didn't know where he was going, but Ryou didn't need someone like him to ruin more of his life.

If you want me to wait,

I will wait for you.

If you want me to stay,

I will stay right through.

If you don't wanna say

anything at all,

I'm happy wondering.

***********

Aw.... Bakura's leaving! NOOO! That cant happen or else Ryou will never see him again! You gotta tell me, will this forever be a cliffhanger, or do I continue? Yes, no, maybe? This is a big deciding point. And if I do happen to continue, would you no-yaoi reviews, pleeeeeease let me at least have them say 'I love you' to eachother? Brothers do that! ^_^;;; 

So what will it be? Please review and I may be encouraged to write more stories here at fanfiction.net! 

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